Okay, I'll admit it openly, I watch people. Not in a creepy or stalkerish way, but in a trying to understand the individual and people in general better through observation. People can be my #1 cause of anxiety, I think that is why I am observant to what I think borders on crazy-much sometimes, anyways. . .
I have a mental and sometimes written-on-paper questionnaire for people. It includes obvious questions such as name, number of siblings, where they are from, what their major is, a trick to how I can remember what their name is, etc. It also includes a variety of other more detailed questions such as;
How do they smile? - (for example, a certain person) usually smiles for only one or two seconds at a time when it is real, when it is being forced it lasts for much longer and doesn't reach their eyes or scrunch their nose.
When their mind wanders, what do they think about? - (sometimes it is music, sometimes whatever worries or scares them, and others frequently daydream.)
What are their primary Love Languages? -(one or two of the following; Words of Affirmation, Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch (hugs<3), and Gifts)
and many more. . . e.g What causes them stress or fear responses? What are they interested in? What makes them laugh? What are their struggles? What events in their life have lead them to where they are now? How do they react to sarcasm and/or teasing? What is their relationship like with others (friends, colleagues, family)? Where are they in life's path now (engaged, school, single, working, at home, living away from home)? How comfortable are they with talking with others in general? What signs do they show when they get defensive? What are their hopes and dreams for the future? What is most important to them? What evidence have they shown of their religion/faith (I can't even begin to judge how people are spiritually, it is not my right or place to do so, but people still glow when they have the spirit with them)? and many other questions (in case I haven't convinced you of my weirdness :P). . .
I would be writing for another hour if I was going to put them all down, and I am sure that that reading time would go well beyond the 20 minute attention span of most people. This is kinda how I see people. I notice a lot about people and how they react to the world around them, this is just the way I choose to organize the info I get. I don't look at someone one day and think "I am going to find out what their true smile is today." I will just be with them, having fun, and all of a sudden a wonderful, beautiful, true smile lights up their face, I then think about what caused the smile and the facts of it such as length and even what muscles in the face it used and file it away in my memory. (I might get a little to detailed, sometimes)
What is weird at times is that I forget that others don't notice the same things I do, or in the same way. I will comment on something I observed, and the person I am talking to didn't notice at all. I don't mind explaining to them at all, I just have a hard time choosing how much to tell them, and not talk their ear off.
What this has to do with my anxiety. Conflict is one of my major triggers for anxiety, from tension in my home between my parents and a brother who didn't listen, to a couple at the grocery store arguing. I try to do my best to defuse conflicts before they even begin. The hardest thing for me is when I can't do anything. Where it really isn't appropriate for me to interfere or make a comment, even though I really want to, because I think at the time that it could help the situation. This non control of a conflict is what gives me grief. I have gotten better with people who I don't know and blocking them out, but I can't really do that with m family.
I do like my borderline OCD noticing of people, I wouldn't trade it away, it helps me get to know and understand people better. You know how they have those 'drunk goggles' in Driver's Ed. so you could fully realize the danger of driving under the influence, well you just got a glimpse of what a few minutes with Cami goggles would be like :) Make sure to take them off or at least not drive until you know how they affect you :)
p.s oh wow, a long post, and not very well organized. Oh well, I just write it as it comes to me. "ugh Brain not work work long time tired is much sleep now", nighty night. v_v zzZZZZ
No comments:
Post a Comment