Why I have ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression.

First, the Martin and Willie handcart companies: The two handcart companies set off late in the year. There was an early winter and many of them died from the cold, illness, exhaustion, starvation, or a combination of these. Read this story though:

Some years after the Martin company made their journey to Salt Lake City, a teacher in a Church class commented how foolish it was for the Martin company to come across the plains when it did. The teacher criticized the Church leaders for allowing a company to make such a journey without more supplies and protection.

An old man sitting in the classroom listened for a few moments and then spoke out, asking that the criticism be stopped. He said, “Mistake to send the Handcart Company out so late in the season? Yes. But I was in that company and my wife was in it. … We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of criticism? Not one of that company ever apostatized or left the Church, because everyone of us came through with the absolute knowledge that God lives for we became acquainted with him in our extremities [difficulties].

“I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the load through it. … I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of God were there.

“Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company”
(done with story from lds.org)

I always have wondered why I have these problems. Why there were weeks at a time that I felt like I was going to fall off a cliff at any moment. moments when I wanted nothing more than to be with others and yet to be alone. And always, my mind a constant jumble of music, sounds, colors, ideas, memories, smells, and thoughts that will never settle down and get lost in a giant game of musical chairs, while all these things clamour for attention at once against the back of my eyes. I have too often wondered why me? Well I know why now. . .

I am a very stubborn and prideful person. It is because of these problems and struggles that I have been able to be humbled. This is my trek (at least a part of it) I know I can make it and that I will make it if I don't try to do it alone (I have had problems wanting to prove something and do everything on my own, as you can see it doesn't work.) Through the hardest and darkest of times in my life I have been able to draw closer to god and to realize that I didn't do anything wrong to get these trials. I have them because God wants me to get to know him in this life to "become acquainted" with Him. This is the Price I need to pay to be acquainted with god, I am glad to have the opportunity to pay this price. I know he loves me. And if it were necessary that I had to go through those hard times all over again I would do it, and gladly.

I am grateful for my ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression. because it is a trial that God knows I will overcome with his help and guidance. I have been able to get closer to him and find much more peace in my life.